Worry or Wonder?

Worry seems to be the default activity of a large number of people when it comes to thoughts about the future. Some of the beliefs behind this life draining activity could be something like 'If I worry enough somehow things will be different or I'll figure out what to do.' Or it could have something to do with a belief that worrying and caring go together. 'If I don't worry then 'they' won't think I care'.

Believe me, most people are not aware of these beliefs operating behind the scenes but with just a little investigation you will soon uncover these beliefs or similar concepts lurking in the shadows. I remember when I finally realized that I had been spending most of my nights worrying instead of sleeping. It was many years ago, not long after I had put my oilfield supply company into receivership. I only figured it out then because I was actually sleeping at night instead of tossing and turning and worrying about everything under the moon. It's like the guy who never knew he was a drunk until he woke up sober one day. It's just hard to tell what's really going on when you're in the middle of it. Now it doesn't take long for me to realize I'm worrying because I don't do it a whole lot anymore so the contrast is obvious. Now it's a great reminder that there's some belief operating that isn't working for me and I know what to do about it but for most people this is not the case. It's such a deeply ingrained habit some people can't even imagine not worrying.


If you tend to get caught up in the worry cycle, here are some things you might want to ask yourself :

What am I afraid might happen? (I would suggest breathing and taking a moment to bring gentle presence into the place in your body where you hold the fear when you ask this) Then you might ask yourself, I wonder if I could be wrong about that?

Is it true that worrying about this is going to help? I wonder what would actually be helpful?

Am I really in control of what's going to happen? (99% of worry is about stuff we have absolutely no control over)
 
I wonder if there is a way I can allow myself to care about (this person, this situation, etc.) that doesn't include worrying?

If it is a person you are worrying about, could you let yourself wonder what you would most want from others if you were in this situation?

 I think you get my drift. Do you want to be a worrier who is fixated on something bad happening when the truth is you simply don't know what's going to happen, or would you rather be a 'wonderer' who is honest about not knowing and willing to stay open to the magnificent world of possibility?

Hmmm...