Where Does Ego Fit?

Every now and then I find it freeing to listen to what ego has to say. There is such a tendency to make the personality all wrong and evil in much of the 'spiritual' world yet when I really look at what the ego/personality is I find that it may have a very limited point of view but it isn't evil or bad.

Ego wants what it wants. It has a particular slant on life that is really based on the innate desire to survive. It is often fear based but then that is the way of this planet as far as I can tell.

Ego isn't something I need to fight or deny, it is simply a vehicle through which life is playing out at this point in the Universe. I am grateful to be able to see the bigger picture and know that there is so much more to it all than ego can even begin to perceive yet I find that if I don't take the time to really listen to what ego wants and 'needs' and how it sees things I end up setting myself up for an unconscious battle of wills.

The other evening I was feeling kind of down and didn't really know why. I'd had a great day, I've been enjoying a very busy time with the work I love, all was well yet it didn't feel that way. So when I had time to myself I sat down and got curious about what was really going on. I gave ego full head and let it rant on and tell me all about its wants and woes without censorship or judgment. It had been a while since I'd had this depth of unedited stream of consciousness monologue with myself.

I didn't discover anything new but then there really isn't anything really new going on most of the time. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with what ego was expressing and so I didn't do anything with it; I simply let it be. It's one piece of the vast picture of life and it is an important one. I find that it can coexist very well within the bigger picture when I'm not fighting it. That which is selfish and self-centered about me is part of how I function in the world and need not supersede that which is more altruistic, loving and giving. In the end whatever we do for others or the world has a self-centered element. It either feels good to help or be of service or we do it because we think we should. Either way it all comes back to me and that's ok. I am just as much a part of the whole as anyone or anything else and that includes whatever desires are playing out in and through me.

The bottom line is I can't experience wholeness and leave out the ego; that's just another form of separation. It's all so very subtle and fascinating to me. Life really is a wonder.

Namaste

Of Grief and Gratitude

Today I am preparing for both a celebration of life service and a wedding. Both are very special moments to be honoured and celebrated and both mark important transitions in life.

We go through many transitions in a lifetime. It starts with when we leave the warmth and safety of our mother's womb; then some of us experience pretty major change when younger siblings are born. From there we leave the home and go on to that adventure called school. Then we hit puberty and our lives are turned upside down for a few years while our bodies undergo some pretty drastic changes. Then we leave home (usually) and either live on our own or get into committed relationships and some have children of their own and get to go through all the transitions with them too.

Today most of us go through several job changes and often a number of career changes before retiring. Then there is the transition of retirement and all that entails. And finally there is death. Sometimes death shows up to disrupt all those other transitions as well. As neatly as this all seems to be laid out here life is usually kind of messy and can be quite chaotic. Some transitions are more joyful and some more painful but there are elements of both pain and joy in most transitions. We are sad to be leaving what we know, excited and oft times fearful of entering into the unknown. And the truth is everything before us is truly unknown because our neat little lives can be disrupted at any time.

Making peace with the past as well as with the unknown future can be very helpful as we make our various transitions. We need to grieve what was more often than we realize because it is important to honour the losses of life. It is also important to get in touch with and express our gratitude for the gains in our lives so that we can truly appreciate the wonders that are unfolding. There is actually a full range of feelings between grief and gratitude that mark our passages along life's journey. Why not honour all of them and allow ourselves to go with the flow of this amazing experience we call life?

Namaste

Distraction or Opportunity?

Life is constantly providing all kinds of opportunities and distractions. Sometimes the distractions are the opportunity. The opportunity to be more inclusive and accepting and loving perhaps? The opportunity to expand in awareness, in experience, in whatever it is that is most important right now? What if there's no such thing as a distraction; everything that happens on the way to the desired destination is in actuality part of the journey, something to be integrated, enjoyed and expanded through?

OK, I'll admit I hadn't been thinking any of that stuff until I started writing this morning but then that's the joy of writing, I never know what's going to come up; it sure isn't what I think I'm going to write about most of the time.

So this past week John was home and his mom was visiting from Ontario. It was nice to have her since we hadn't seen her in a few years. Having people in the house does change things a lot when you work from home though. I did things somewhat differently this time however and I'm really glad I did. Rather than sacrificing myself and leaving the things that are important to me I found ways of staying on course. I moved my morning rituals into the basement so I didn't give up my presencing time and my journaling. I kept working and let John do most of the entertaining which worked for them and it really worked for me. The times I spend with John and his mom were much more enjoyable that way. I found that even though I had a very busy week I had plenty of time to spend with them. It all worked out beautifully even to my being able to bring Myra to the airport on Monday morning without having to turn down any work.

Speaking of not having to turn down work, I've really been noticing even more than usual just how life is unfolding with such grace. I've been busier than usual and been able to accommodate what has shown up with a great deal of ease. As I continue to focus on expanding, I am also continuing the process of paying attention to the seemingly opposing beliefs and feelings that arise.

I notice (again) that there are periods of more intense protest within, then there seem to be plateaus followed by even deeper issues surfacing. I am working with what ever shows up in my life and my body as being part of the process of living a financially abundant, faith-filled and grace-filled life. Rather than dismissing things as being coincidental I am seeing everything as part of the big picture of Life taking me where the intentions are leading. I even see the intentions themselves as part of where Life is taking me so there is no sense of trying to make anything happen. It's actually a really cool perspective. Is it the Truth? I don't know, it just feels right at this point on my journey and I'm going with it. If and when that should change so will my experience. And so it goes.

Namaste

The Shift From Someday to Now

'Focus grasshopper', remember the master who used to speak those words on TV every week? Truly words of wisdom.

Focus and commitment are very closely related in my understanding of them. I remember reading or hearing somewhere that true freedom was to be found in commitment. I believe it was in response to the idea many people seem to live by that committing to a particular person or idea or desire would limit their freedom. I understand this idea well and have certainly been caught in its thrall as well. I have also come to know deeply that my true joy and freedom to experience what is most important to me is more likely to unfold when I am committed and focused than when I am drifting.

After spending some very intense time taking apart the structures of my belief systems I spent some time drifting but I soon became aware of what was next so I took steps in that direction and have been doing so with varying degrees of focus ever since. I've done a number of 40 day focus periods which I always benefited from and I've spent time wandering as well. It's all fine and every experience has its place in the unfolding of life. However, I have to say I'm so enjoying this focus period around financial abundance and grace and doing what I love that it makes me wonder why I bother with those unfocused times. Who knows? That is not a question that deserve much of my attention and energy, more rhetorical really.

One of the things that makes being committed and focused so much fun for me is that I have made a big shift in my life from being goal oriented to being journey oriented. I have an intention which is my focus but it isn't about 'someday' or when I 'arrive'. It's about now. I am experiencing what I want right now because I am looking at life through the lens of what I want rather than seeing it as something out there.

That is a huge change for me. I am not looking longingly at my desire and thinking its far away and unattainable which is where I would inevitably end up when I was goal oriented. Even attaining some of my goals didn't give me what I really wanted because I mistakenly thought it was about that thing rather than about me. Such convoluted thinking yet I know I am not alone in it.

Part of being present on the journey is the activity of becoming fully aware of those subtle little thoughts like 'what about me' or 'I'm not significant' or 'I'm afraid'. It's so easy to dismiss these ideas or be so in their grip that I don't even entertain the idea that they could be false. By bringing them to light and really seeing and feeling how untrue they I free myself from their grasp and I am free in this very moment to experience the abundance and grace that is always here.

Life is such a wonder!

Namaste

Need, Creativity and Flow

It's actually been fun and insightful to be journaling again after a 2+ year hiatus. Having a focus really helps the process too.

I've been experiencing a great deal of flow and ease the past several days. As usual this week after my presencing time this morning I started to write. As is so often the case what came forward was stuff I had not been aware of in my quiet time. That's why both the presencing and the writing seem to fit so well; both elements bring forth awareness, ideas, creativity and the opportunity to move into ever expanding abundance on every level.

This morning's thoughts had to do with needs, creativity and flow. I was feeling a great deal of gratitude for life and how it is unfolding when the awareness popped up that the elevated sense of flow and creativity I have been experiencing has to do with my emotional needs being so well met.

I have been working with emotional needs and changing the way I relate to these needs within myself for years now. Funny how I can still be fascinated and amazed by how it all works.

When I made the decision many years ago to love myself in ways I had previously been unwilling to I had no idea where it would really take me and that it would develop into a way of life for me as well as becoming the focus of my work with others. There is no quick fix involved in this work; it is not a 'cleanse' that you do for a while then go back to the old way of being; it is not something that can be done to manipulate outcomes or the universe; it is not something that really has a major effect when only used in times of crisis either. This kind of relationship with the whole self requires constant and consistent attention and dedication, and it is by far the most rewarding relationship I have ever had.

Anyway, back to this mornings musings about how when we are not spending all our time and energy on managing or controlling emotional needs and the behaviours that arise from those needs, creativity and flow just happens. This is where we really experience grace in life.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of creativity comes out of emotional neediness and pain but not a lot of ease and flow and gratitude. The kind of creativity born of pain may solve problems and initiate all manner of invention but the inner experience is not usually a truly joyful one.

It's relatively easy for me to bring compassion, understanding and love to those previously unloved places within now, and it still requires focus and attention. Now that I have created a foundation that is much more trusting than it had been when I was manipulating to get needs met the move into flow and grace is much smoother and faster.

I have built the relationship I now have with myself over time and I would not be honest if I was to say it was easy to form this new habit of viewing the painful and uncomfortable feelings that arise with compassion. I have seen many people dabble in this and experience a sense of failure because it was tried a couple of times, there were some positive results but the old habits took over and then it was right back to the status quo. This is normal. The trick is to get back on the horse even when you don't feel like it.

For me the formula is:

Keep breathing.
Keep presencing.
Keep questioning the projections and pain inducing beliefs.
Keep opening to wonder and possibility.
Keep taking action as guided.

What ever you are doing to creating a more loving relationship with yourself, don't give up on yourself and even if you do, get back on track when you become aware of it.

The needs that have been calling for your loving attention are not the enemy, they are the doorways to expanded living. Instead of managing or trying to get rid of them attend to them and set yourself free.

What you are is so much more than any need or belief or feeling or experience. They are not what you are they are what you are having. It is possible that what you really want is already here, you just got lost in the maze of fearful thinking.

There really is light on the other side of the darkness.

Namaste

The Wow of Flow!

Just a few days ago I set an intention and opened the door for the universe to walk right on in. I haven't had a lot of time since then to sit down and write any blog posts but I have followed through with journaling every day after my quiet time in the morning.

The first three days I encountered a number of limiting beliefs and their accompanying fearful projections but thanks to all the work I've been doing with this I was able to recognize them very quickly, bring compassionate attention to the feelings and really see right through the thoughts. I'd have to say that most if not all of them are projections of memories from the past where events happened and I decided what they meant and those decisions became fearful beliefs.

Nothing new in any of it for me because that is the way beliefs work; same old, same old applied to new situations and people. The thing that I find trickiest about the work is the fact that the thoughts that go with the uncomfortable feelings that arise are so familiar it's easy to bypass them and we do all the time. Ideas like, 'what will they think', 'they'll be angry with me', 'I screwed up so that's it, I'm done' are all too easy to dismiss simply because they tend to be familiar to me. That's the beauty of stopping, breathing and paying deep attention to what's going on in my body rather than the stories and justifications that go on in my head. Every single time I face the familiar thought and recognize it for what it is, a memory or a lie and do so with compassion and understanding I find myself connecting at a much deeper level to Essence where there is only Innocence and pure Being. That's when the energy flows free and life just takes on a whole new beauty and perfection. The past couple of days have been filled with even more ease and grace and abundance.

 I am so grateful for this process and for the wonders that ensue!

Namaste

Springing Into Abundant Living

This is my article from this month's newsletter that I just sent out yesterday. I am posting it here in case you don't get my newsletter and because this is where I will be posting my blogs on the process as I go along. 

It's starting to feel more like spring here in the Edmonton area where winter has been lingering with heavy snows and cool temperatures. You really never know from one year to the next what to expect with our seasons. So it is with all aspects of life isn't it?

Expectations have been a source of much pain and disappointment in my life, as I imagine they have likely been for most of you too. I've come to realize there's a big difference between expectation and expectancy. The former seems to be more rigid and defined whereas the latter speaks of an attitude that is open and receptive to me. The first is tied to a particular outcome while the other is really about the journey.

How do you know when you've slipped into expectation and out of expectancy? Even though I may start out with a sense of expectancy, I usually only realize I've got something else going on  after the fact. When I experience disappointment and feel sad and want to give up it's a pretty sure bet I had been expecting something and didn't get it. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that when I feel the discouragement of expectation it's more likely that the unconscious expectations of failure or lack of some kind trumped the expectations of what I thought I wanted.

An example of trumping expectations would be the belief that you don't deserve financial abundance when you set a goal to double your income in a particular time frame and don't achieve it. Or perhaps you decided to be kinder to yourself and treat yourself with more compassion but when you didn't do something the way you thought you should you start beating yourself up, again.  The deeper, more familiar expectations and beliefs often tend to overwhelm new ideas, especially if we either try to ignore the old patterns or are aware of them but never bother to question them or understand the driving forces at work behind the scene.

This spring I am answering the inner call to step into expanding in business and in financial abundance. I'm doing a little experimenting and working with expectancy and being fully present on the journey rather than on some expectation of a particular outcome. I am viewing whatever shows up in my life from this point on as Life giving me exactly what I need in order to expand and experience more fun, more financial abundance and more grace.

The intent is to

• take time every morning and evening to be still and focus on what I intend to be, do, have (as well as whenever I think of it during the day).
• move through the very heart of any resistance and belief patterns that would appear to be in opposition to where my journey is taking me rather than trying to avoid or buy into them. In other words, use The Liberation Process when I feel discomfort.
• take steps every day as I am guided.
• allow myself to be supported in the process and to support others in theirs.
• enjoy the journey (very important) and be grateful for everything as it is.
• keep bringing compassion and understanding as I move through expectations and disappointments as they arise.
• journal and blog through the process to help myself be more aware and help others who may be in similar processes.

Thankfully, I am not alone in this. A dear friend who is in the process of starting a new business venture and I are teaming up to do this work. We are open to others who are either starting their own business or have already done so but are looking for heart-centered support to join us.

So if you're willing to do the deep inner work and support others on their journey in expanding their businesses give me a call or email me at info@yvonneracine.com and let's talk to see if you might be a fit for this mutual support group we are starting.


Namaste