Filling In The Gap

As I work with people in realizing what is really going on for them that is creating unhappiness or stuckness one of the pieces that is always present is what I call filling in the gap. When things happen around us we generally don't know what's really going on so we insert our assumptions and beliefs into the gap of knowledge then we unconsciously act as though it were the truth.

For example, say I want to ask for something that's really important to me but I'm afraid to ask. Chances are the fear comes from my having inserted an assumption that the person I need to ask will not be happy about it or won't want to do whatever it is I'm asking for. There is likely a belief lurking somewhere below the surface having to do with being a bother to others so when it comes time to ask for something I will most likely unconsciously insert the assumption that I am being a bother and the other won't be happy about it. Notice that all this is happening in the imagination, I haven't even asked yet. In this scenario, the belief that I am a bother wasn't born in this moment, it is the product of an assumption made a very long time ago which has been coloring my world ever since.

When you hit upon a core belief you generally can see a myriad of ways it has played out in your life. So in this example, the current event is the perfect trigger for me to start dismantling a deeply held belief that has limited me throughout my life. It doesn't really matter what's going on, when I remove the assumption that has filled in the gap of the unknown I'm left with a clear, open space from which any possibility may emerge, not just my limited concept.

You'd be amazed how subtle and pervasive this pattern of interpretation is in the human condition. It's so automatic we have no idea most of the time that it's what we are doing. It is the culprit behind a great deal of misunderstanding and unhappiness. The good news is that once you start paying attention and noticing how it works you can make the shift into the creative flow of possibility.

Here's a little animated video I created the other day depicting a mini coaching session around a work related issue that also demonstrates how assumptions that fill in the gap affect us. This is a greatly abbreviated version of a coaching for life beyond belief session but it does convey how it works. Enjoy!