Sunday, January 23, 2011

More On The Dark Side

We went to see Black Swan yesterday and I can't get it out of my mind today. I'd been wanting to see it for some time, particularly after Natalie Portman won the Golden Globe award for her starring role in it. I knew it would be dark and it didn't disappoint. At times a very difficult movie to watch, it was however an excellent study of an obsessive mind coming undone. Natalie Portman definitely deserves to win many awards for this role as she played it brilliantly, evoking all manner of emotion in the viewer.
One of the aspects of the movie I particularly appreciated, thanks to great directing and editing, was how difficult it was as a viewer to know what was 'real' and what was fantasy in the character's mind. She kept popping in and out of delusion right from the beginning and we watched as she rather quickly lost any hold she had on 'sanity'. It reminds me of how deluded we all are and don't know it. How much we impose and project onto life's circumstances and call it reality, all the while being completely unaware of what's really going on. Paradoxically, I could also feel the power of her single mindedness in achieving what she came here to do. In the end, it's all as it was meant to be, both in the movie and in our lives. The darkness in us may well be the very thing we came to experience. Or it may be something else all together.
There is no blanket concept of light or dark that could conceivably cover all the possibilities of experience in life. We aren't all here to be/do/feel/experience the same thing, make the same discoveries or come to the same conclusions. I've noticed even the 'enlightened' do not agree 100% yet have shared experiences of being undone or awakening or being completely disillusioned. I can't help thinking that what we generally consider to be insanity sure beats living lives of quiet desperation which I suspect is more prevalent than lives of passionate involvement. And yet, this too is as it should be.
Life truly is a wonder.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

An Amazing Find

A friend put me onto an author I had not previously heard of, indeed he just wrote his first book. His name is Steven Norquist and his book is called Haunted Universe. It is a book of very few words, yet each page is filled with ineffable wisdom. I deeply resonate with what Steven shares. Here is a quote that I particularly appreciate. real Awakening it is the "dreamer" that vanishes. When people finally begin to move beyond themselves, when they are finally ready to cross that boundary and confront the ancient darkness that haunts this universe, it is then they will know that the dream never ends, it is only "they" who will end.
Kind of brings a whole new level of understanding to why for the most part people do not awaken, we tend to be very attached to the concept of 'self'. Indeed as I traverse the terrain of deconstruction I find many subtle and many not so subtle concepts that have kept me firmly anchored in the concept of 'me'. I have no idea if I will actually experience a complete breakthrough in this process and that is not for me to know or be concerned about. There is a recognition that it is all perfect, every step of the way, and where I am is where I am.

Here is the website for more info about Steven and the book.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Hanging Out

I find it quite fascinating as I hang out here, wherever I am, that I have less and less interest in what other people believe or think to be the truth in terms of my own process even though I can celebrate where they are. This doesn't mean I have to be around them if I don't feel the call for that. I have little interest in being in groups of people or even with particular individuals just to be there though there are times I feel called to connect with some.

I think this is one of the symptoms of this work, whatever you want to call it; this moment by moment living of life which can shift and change without notice. Allowing more of the mystery is a place of contentment in and of itself. I don't want to fix anyone yet I feel fine about working with people in their process if that is where I am led. I don't care to reinforce beliefs but rather help people through the questioning process in dismantling beliefs if that is where they are called. I have such a strong sense of the rightness of every moment, trusting that all is unfolding without the need for my manipulation even though I still get into it. Paradox and perfection.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


I feel myself to be on the edge of a wonderful, terrible darkness; like I want to explore more of the mystery that is essential to being. It's difficult to write about this because I don't know what I'm actually talking about given that it is the mystery, the unknown. I'm very drawn to the dark mysteries of life these days for whatever reason. That is what I most appreciate about going with the flow, I become aware of the pull, the patterns and I let myself go there even though it doesn't make sense intellectually. I don't get the impression that it's about understanding it or controlling it but rather simply allowing what is on the periphery of awareness to be seen and appreciated, whatever it is. This may dissipate or take me into deep dark tunnels for a moment, an hour, a day, a week, a month. Whatever it is I know it only as rightness.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Taking Action

I would like to expand on yesterday's posting; dealing  with the unfunny stuff that happens in life. I used the recent Arizona shootings as an example because it is something that tends to engender a great deal of fear in people even though they are not involved or affected in any way other than hearing about it. The tendency toward trying to ensure this kind of thing can never happen again (especially to ones self) is pretty strong and is what political movements are made of.

But what about our personal lives? What if the situation is indeed one that affects us directly? Do we still just step back and bring peace to the feelings of helplessness, etc and do nothing? Not likely, though there are times where that may be exactly what ends up being called for. And there are other times where we become clear about what action to take (ie leave the situation, be sure someone who is harming self or others is removed from a situation, get help, etc) and we do it because it is what we are called to do rather than being a fearful reaction.

What I have noticed in working with people and their habits and patterns is the tendency to leap from the pain that arises from a situation into making decisions about what they will do about this if it ever happens again. In other words attempting to control the future rather than truly being present to what is right now. They end up making up their own 'laws', rules to live by which inevitably ends up failing the next time a similar situation arises then they get to feeling guilty and beating themselves up for not living up to their own standards. It's a vicious circle because it's moving away from rather toward what is really going on right now. That's all we actually have to work with, what's going on right now, not what we think about it or what we believe it means but what is which for the most part people never see because of the layers and layers of memories and beliefs that have enshrouded the mind, making the obvious inaccessible. That's the process I invite people to, unraveling the layers of lies that blind us.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Popularity and Perspectives

It's interesting to hold  views that are at times radically different from most of the people around me. I certainly understand most people's points of view on topics like choice and freedom and spirituality because I used to think the way they do (as best one can think the same as anyone else). Having made a few 180's in recent times, and making more as I go along, I find I do not have any desire to convince anyone of my perspective nor do I wish to debate the issues. It's actually irrelevant. Whatever belief anyone holds is just that, a belief, and doesn't really mean a whole lot to me, mine included. As much as I'd like to think my way of seeing is the one I know I am very much in process and still deeply affected by the illusion of self-hood and so I see what I see, I share what I share and let it go. I'm actually having a lot of fun viewing life from this place of resting in the flow and disengaging from what I used to call reality; so much so I was completely wrong about what day it was today and phoned a friend a day early to wish her a Happy Birthday. I also booked a holiday that overlapped with a day I was supposed to be the presenter at an information session I had booked as well. Oops. All is well however, my friend and I had a great laugh and I was able to change the other date without any fuss or muss. It's all quite funny really even though sometimes we aren't dealing with 'funny' stuff.

What I find particularly interesting these days is the way people tend to deal with the unfunny stuff like the Arizona shootings from this past weekend. Some want to draw straight lines of cause and effect and look for someone or something to blame and make all kinds of conjectures about what should have happened or what could have happened and let's make new laws! Some get angry, some get self-righteous, some can't believe this could happen, again. But in the end, it did happen, no one knows all the nuances of why it happened, nor is it likely that new legislation and stricter laws, etc will make a bit of difference. We've been killing each other since the beginning of history and that isn't likely to stop any time soon, indeed, if ever.

So what is it that we get to avoid by getting into all this conjecture and officious 'let's take action so this never happens again' kind of thinking? Could it be that we are running away from those core feelings of helplessness and powerlessness and being out of control that are generally lurking just below the surface of what we are aware of? What would happen if we went there first and made peace with that which we tend to fear the most, our own vulnerability? Hmmm.... In the end that doesn't really matter either. We'll do what we do, react the way we react, feel what we feel or not, create new laws or not and life just keeps going on as it will.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Journey

This journey I am on and by writing this blog am inviting you to is one of relinquishment of all that you have believed to be true and allowing radiant Being to shine in every corner of your life. There is nothing to add, no new belief to take on. It is indeed a process, one which is already in play and you have been part of all along but didn’t know it. It is an opportunity to make peace with what has been, be truly present to what is and allow the wondrous unfolding of what is to be from the perspective of being a unique aspect of Life, part of the great ongoingness of creation.
It is a journey of steps, recognizing each moment, every event and situation as perfect for you  rather than a mistake from which you must escape. The prison you want to escape from is of your own making and the only way out is to go further in. It is only here that you can face what you have been projecting as the bars of your imprisonment and realize they are just that, projections of the mind with no more substance than a fog bank or cloud. In looking away from the painful memories that have become limiting beliefs all you can see is the shadows they cast. These are the stories, the strategies, the reasons you’ve created that justify and create the illusion that you need to fear Life.  
I was asked some time ago what I most wanted. What came clearly was that more than anything I wanted to trust life absolutely, to live in the complete knowing that life is unfolding perfectly and I can relax and enjoy the ride. i know this is indeed what is. For me it is synonymous with Truth. I’ve come to realize that Truth is not something I can possess but rather that which is unfolding always. Striving for the Truth is like thinking I am going to die of thirst while at sea but really being in a flow of fresh water and not knowing it. What I used to long for is here, that is why this is a journey of relinquishment. Even my most beloved beliefs can only create shadows because a belief by its very nature is a degree of separation from what is.
What would your life be free of belief?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Life is Suffering

Life is suffering; that is what was on my mind this morning when I got up. Where the hell did that come from? Same place all the other thoughts that show up unbidden come from I guess. Not a new idea, I believe it was attributed to the Buddha and has been speculated upon, interpreted and pondered for centuries so I must be in good company. I have no idea what the Buddha meant by it. I must admit I am often annoyed and sometimes just giggle when people take on the authority of telling us what other people meant when they said things, I barely know what I mean when I say things and to be honest I don't always even know that.

But I digress...the thought of life as suffering set me to pondering and it has stayed with me all day. In the past I have summarily rejected that idea thinking it was not the truth, we only suffered because we were confused, mistaken, etc. Now I'm not so darn sure about that (or about anything I have taken for granted for that matter). As I move through life now, discarding the beloved beliefs that were seen as the truth whenever I become aware of them, I have to admit that there is far more 'suffering' in the world than not. People experience every kind of pain imaginable and even those who believe themselves to be living happy, fruitful lives would have to admit that they too suffer at times even if it is only in the form of longing or emotional pain or fear of loss, etc. It's everywhere! Not know what to do about it we then proceeded to make up all kinds of stories so we could feel more in control or just make some sense of it.

In our culture we have learned to mask or distract ourselves from suffering in a myriad of ways. Many of these masks and distractions are admired and are indeed productive in the world and seem to work quite well but the driver behind them is still suffering or pain of some sort. So what does that mean? Again, I don't know but it does seem to me that suffering may not be the bad guy I had made it out to be. What if suffering of any kind is really a portal to something we both fear and deeply desire? What if the so called peace we hear and talk so much about but rarely experience in this world is right here, in the depth of what most people spend their entire lives running from?

Going back to the perfect unfolding of this universe and indeed all of creation, how could something so pervasive be so wrong? Could the promises of religions and spirituality and social programs that tell it will be better part of the distractions? This idea of a place of perfection that includes no suffering or pain of any kind, just bliss and 24/7 happiness be a load of crap?


Monday, January 3, 2011

What Is

The 'isness' of Life is deeply enchanting. I have no idea why things are as they are but I am coming to appreciate more and more the beingness of Life exactly as it shows up instead of thinking it should be different or imagining it even could be different than it is. Those are simply ways we have of separating ourselves from the awesome beauty of the Universe as it unfolds.

I've spent much of my life thinking life should be different or that there was something I was missing or that there was something hidden that I needed to find out in order to be happy. That's what makes up most of life for most people even though for the most part it is not recognized as such. We search for meaning and purpose and 'the right thing' for us all the time missing out on what is right in front of us. This is as it is too, until it is not. Not a hair of Life is out of place including the doubting, searching, belief ridden mind. A person may live there all their life, never realizing the Garden they are living in and that is perfect, just as realizing what is going on is perfect for another.

There is no one and no thing to compare your life experience with because there is only what is unfolding in the cosmic dance; individuality is a myth just as individual choice and free will are a myth. All that I call self is but a point of awareness in the body of Life and as much as I seem to be doing what 'I' want to do or choose to do it's actually Life being what it is and 'I' am a passenger enjoying the ride. What a trip!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

What's New

We are celebrating a New Year around the world, a time when many people like to review the past and set intentions for the future. I like celebrating simply for the sake of celebrating. I am setting no intentions, I am not reviewing what has been and I am not hoping for anything.
I was having a conversation with someone the other day, talking about how I see life these days when the other party got very excited and said something like 'You mean every situation is brand new and doesn't need to be analyzed and figured out based on the past!'. It was as though she had just been given the best box of chocolates ever. This was a person who spent a great deal of time and energy worrying about the 'mistakes' she had made in her life and how she had 'screwed up' again, etc., etc. As I talked about being fully present to Life as it showed up and that everything is unfolding exactly as it was created it was like a huge weight had just been lifted just considering the idea that she didn't have to relive her past over and over and feel guilty about every little thing.
Each moment is brand new when we are not burdened by all the beliefs and judgments we have been holding about what has been. Each moment stands alone, an opportunity to be awed and amazed and amused by Life. What a trip!
Happy New Moment!