Hope

Hope is an interesting concept. I don't talk about it much, not do I attempt to give people 'hope'. Hope is defined in a number of ways and, of course, we all have our perception of what it means. When I hear people talk about hope it often speaks to me of someone who actually is not feeling OK right now for some reason and is putting it off for some future event or situation to come along and make things better. Now I know this isn't the only way it is used but it is a common perception which I find to be at odds with living fully in the present moment. I do not have any problem with an attitude of expectancy which hope also means except when that expectancy is attached to a particular outcome without which one would be unhappy. This kind of hope brings on all kinds of disappointment and is behind much of the discouragement and hopelessness we encounter in life.

So this brings me to the topic of hopelessness. I've had several conversations this week where hope and hopelessness came up. It's always a good idea to pay attention when that happens. Another way I find hope to be more harmful than helpful is when it is in reaction to hopelessness.

We tend to see hopelessness as a feeling but if you look a little closer you will find it is not a feeling but rather a belief which is associated with some pretty heavy and sad feelings. We decide things are hopeless, then we associate that thought with the feelings and get caught in the trap of trying to get away from them, which is one of the reasons we look for something hopeful to replace hopelessness. Problem is, it doesn't work in any long term sort of way. We continually need ideas or situations to prop us up so we can avoid the heavy feelings and the hopeless thoughts.

So what if there was another way to deal with hopelessness? When I look at my own life as an example, I know that I decided some things were hopeless and I know they are associated with my father. The decision was made after lots of hopeful moments that he would come back to us but I eventually could no longer bear the pain so I decided it was hopeless and rejected him sometime in my very early years. Now that translates not only to dear old Dad but other aspects of life that he is a symbol for. I would rarely have used the word hopeless but on reflection that is exactly what I believed. I've had many moments in life where the pain associated with hopelessness was triggered and I remember often thinking I just didn't want to be alive anymore. I never seriously considered suicide but I did think I would rather be dead. I finally confronted that idea many years ago sitting on a large rock in a river in Nepal, but that's another story. I've never believed that story since then. What was significant about that particular event was that it was a time when I turned around and confronted the desire that I had believed was real and found it was empty and hollow and nothing more than a trick of the mind. It was never true, it was a way I had devised to avoid hopelessness as convoluted as that may seem. At the other end of the spectrum I would go out there a try to make things happen, at times successfully, so that I would not have to face the hopelessness. That's what we do with these deeply ingrained beliefs patterns, we bounce from one end of the scale to the other in our efforts to avoid or get rid of the feelings and thoughts associated with them.

So here's the thing, instead of trying to get away from hopelessness, another way to approach it would be to feel the depth of the feelings and recognize that it is a decision you made, it isn't The Truth. I'll use my example around Dad and the ensuing manifestations of the belief around hopelessness. What I have found is that being fully present with compassionate, gentle attention to the feelings in my body when that belief is triggered the less power it has. Then as I truly see the very thought of hopelessness for what it is, an immature decision made when there was no awareness of another option, I free myself from the unhappiness and limitation it has engendered in the past.  Now I am open to the wonder of other possibilities unfolding while being fully engaged with the present moment rather than the fearful projections. I don't need to generate anything here to compensate for the illusion; I simply enjoy and delight in what is. I know that whatever happens is perfect even if it isn't what I had envisioned.

One caveat here about this process, it isn't usually an instant shift, especially with long and dearly held beliefs. When you consider how long you've spent hating and avoiding uncomfortable feelings and beliefs it stands to reason it may take a fair bit of compassionate attention to shift the energy. If you resonate with any of what I have written here and do choose to give this a shot it will undoubtedly be uncomfortable at first. Remember this is likely the opposite of what you've been doing all your life. I can assure you however after much practice with this process, I can think of no more joyful use of my time and energy when I find myself feeling unhappy or disappointed for any reason.