Thursday, July 14, 2011

Exploring Uniqueness

I had a great Jasper getaway for a few days. There really isn't anything quite like the mountains to put things into perspective. I did end up with a bit of a chest cold while I was there which slowed me down some, undoubtedly for the best, but we still thoroughly enjoyed our time there. The cold has pretty much passed on through now and life goes on.

We had a great discussion last night at the monthly gathering where we spent much of the time exploring what it meant to be unique which in turn brought us to taking a good look at the role shame plays in stifling our uniqueness. It's often surprising to realize where shame shows up and why. You often don't even realize what you're feeling is shame because most people have become very adept at 'mentalizing' it. We do the same thing with guilt where rather than simply being present to the feeling and being able question the beliefs the mind just wallows in all kinds of thoughts of blame (often of self) and harsh judgment. Anger or rage often show up as well giving the illusion of some kind of power or control, which is of course not true at all but more attractive than the original feelings of shame or guilt.

Shame is all about self identity. It is the physical expression of some belief adopted long ago about who you see yourself as being. There are clues in the language you use about yourself, especially when you've done something that triggers the shame. When you find yourself using words that are put downs such as stupid, idiot, useless, etc. either toward yourself or others you are likely in the thrall of shame or guilt. Anything that diminishes or devalues with disgust points to self identities that are shame or guilt based. For those who are deeply immersed in this kind of identity it is difficult to even see that it is really about beliefs, that it isn't the truth because they've been singing that song for so long it feels absolutely real.

The density of shame and guilt makes it very challenging to challenge the underlying beliefs and assumptions; all you want to do is get away from it. If you'll take time to notice however, it simply doesn't work. The devices used to get away like anger or rage or self-pity or addictions of all sorts end up not only being debilitating but they rob you of the ability to fully embrace and enjoy your uniqueness. Who wants to embrace a self image that is valueless or useless? The good news is that you aren't that image. What you are is beyond any image, 'good' or 'bad'. In order to realize this however you may need to do some serious questioning of what you have believed about yourself. That will likely lead you to a place of not knowing who or what you really are and to that I say YEAH!

Imagine what your life would be like if, instead of filling in the blanks with your usual assumptions and beliefs about yourself, you could honestly be in the not knowing and allow for the wonder of Life to show you new possibilities that you could never have dreamed of in your deluded state. Kind of like being the Hubble telescope of inner space. Mmmm, delicious.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Yvonne,

    Thanks for some delicious exploration.

    Terry Syvenky

    (I don't have a profile from the list so I selected Anonymous)

    ReplyDelete