Compassion, The How To

When I invite people to extend compassion into their own pain I often get comments about not knowing how to do that or even what it means. Perfectly understandable given that definitions of compassion generally talk about giving it to others, not even mentioning turning it inward.

Here's how Merriam Webster defines compassion
: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.
As I said, no mention of the self which is pretty much the way many in our culture tend to view things such as love and caring and compassion; it's meant for others. Yet if you are being critical, judgmental and harsh toward yourself or if you simply learned to ignore your feelings, especially painful or fearful ones, how does that work? How do do you truly give what you do not know in your whole being?

I say start by focusing inward and and then allow it to flow out of you. If you are experiencing pain take a moment to become sympathetically conscious of it and allow your desire to alleviate it do the work. The very awareness of desiring to bring love and compassion to pain or uncomfortable feelings is a great place to start, even if you don't completely understand or know what that really looks like.

Along with desire I would also suggest you use your imagination. Imagine a flow of compassion or light or love or gentle caring (use what works for you) to move right into the heart of whatever you are  feeling in your body. If that's difficult for you you might imagine a symbol of compassion such as Kwan Yin or Jesus or Buddha or Mother Theresa or the Dalai Lama radiating compassion and you being the recipient. Any way you find works for you, breathe it in, rest in it, receive it as fully as you can. It is truly one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. As you expand in your ability to bring compassion into your own being when life is askew for you, not just when you're doing everything 'right' or feeling the 'right' feelings, but when you've done the worst thing you could do or feel as bad as you can possibly feel, the less you will need to judge others and withhold your love and compassion. (Withholding love is truly one of the most painful experiences you can have by the way)

Kwan Yin Goddess of Compassion

It is a journey for most of us to truly allow compassion toward our own pain because we didn't learn this when we were growing up for the most part. It may even be the exact opposite of what you learned but the practice, when applied diligently, is one rich with reward for everyone in your life including you.