Friday, May 20, 2011

The Environment

It's so incredibly beautiful with all the new greenery and the blossoms showing up everywhere it's hard to imagine how the body can seem to be reacting to whatever is in the air. I am part of my environment and it is part of this organism I call my body and it would appear that there are things in the environment that are not agreeing with the body somehow. I've actually never had this experience before but I am aware that many do on a regular basis. I have a renewed compassion for those who experience season allergies. Yet I wonder what this really is beyond the physical cause and effect concepts we perceive.What is really showing up as a stuffy head and sneezing and itchy eyes? To be honest, I haven't taken the time yet to be fully present to it all. I've been quite disconnected in fact as the focus has been more on dealing with the symptoms which is relatively easy to do in today's pharma-culture. I do find it interesting that the symptoms all seem to be in my head (literally and figuratively no doubt). We've had one of the windiest weeks I can remember here in the Edmonton area which kind of fascinated me with the concept of the winds of change dominant in my mind. I had my first Dismantling workshop in the middle of all that and even then the symptoms had started showing up in me. Hmmm....

One could surmise all kinds of things from this but really, I don't know what it means. As I bring myself back to the inner experience and breathe with it I am most keenly aware of a kind of numbness. When I check into the thoughts/beliefs floating around in this awareness there is an element of not believing I am safe which would indicate to me that the numbness is a way the system has of shutting down further exploration to stay 'safe'. Most interesting. It would seem I've hit a pocket of deep defense against what? I don't know. Perhaps it is exactly about that very thing, the depths of the unknown where I've touched upon the deepest levels of defense around the idea of 'me'. Ooo, this is fun. What if there is no such thing as 'me'? What if that is the biggest illusion of them all? I wonder what it would be like to simply be part of Life with no borders, no concept of a separate me? I wonder what that would be like...I wonder.

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