It's also been a while since I've written a blog post and so the two coincide and here I am.
Now what am I going to say? I've had all kinds of thoughts and insights over the past weeks but of course they simply come and go and the details kind of get lost in the living.
One thing that has been brought to the forefront of late is a habit of impatience that I have actually had most of my life. I have certainly been aware of it for a long time but I usually just deal with it in the moment or don't deal with it at all, just let it moved on through so why the focus now? Well, I suspect it has something to do with the other focus I have had which has been on healing.
For almost three months I have been experiencing very interesting and unusual pain. It changes and morphs and moves around but mostly it has been hanging around. Thankfully it is much better now but I suspect there is a good reason for it having stayed with me the way it has. It has helped me to look at some things in consciousness that I have been rather lazy about; which brings me round to the impatience factor.
When the focus went to healing the pain in this body I naturally stared bringing lots of love and compassion into the pain and paying attention to the messages I received as I did some deep listening. This really helped. Then I finally woke up to the fact that just paying attention now and then and bringing in focused energy was not enough. A conversation I had with an acquaintance whose mother was in ICU and had experienced all kinds of hospital related problems after going in for a simple surgery really hit home. The analogy that occurred to me after that conversation was that if the inner environment of thinking and feeling is toxic some of the time, even though it is also very loving and compassionate at others, pain or problems are compounded. Fearful and impatient habits create a toxic environment even if they are only manifest in certain conditions i.e. line ups, driving, waiting for appointments, mundane daily routines and the like.
Bottom line for me is that I can no longer indulge in habits of impatience and think I am going to feel good. It's one big system and it's all interconnected. Each part is communicating with the other parts and as in the hospital analogy, if there are bugs in the system it's likely I will catch one even though I may be in there suffering from something else.
So it's clean up time. Time to get into the corners I've ignored and pay attention to it all. It's so easy to get lazy but it really doesn't serve on this journey. I'm not naive enough to think I'll change it all just because I'm aware of it but I've already experienced a big difference as I've been compassionately observing and catching myself in the act more.
We're such clever creatures we think we can fool ourselves but when you're passionate about the truth all the tricks have to eventually be revealed. Then a new trick seems to show up but that
's the journey isn't it? One foot in front of the other, one moment at a time. Life is unfolding exactly as it should and there are undoubtedly all kinds of adventures yet to be had.
Namaste
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