Do you find yourself caught up in repetitive worry
thoughts or complaints quite regularly? I’ve noticed that excessive worry and
complaining are kind of kissing cousins in that they often both have their
roots in feelings of powerlessness and frustration. They are also major energy
drains that don’t tend to get us what we really want either.
Is there a place in your life where there is often a great
deal of frustration? Because sometimes it is difficult to see the light at the
end of the tunnel, especially in long standing situations, there can be a
sense of hopelessness as well. Hopelessness and powerlessness are often
expressed in worry thoughts that loop endlessly. You might also find yourself
complaining a lot, either in your own head or to anyone who will listen.
Worry and complaint are very common and normal ways
of expressing frustration. There’s nothing inherently wrong with complaining or
worrying; they just aren’t very effective in terms of resolving issues or
creating change when they go unchecked. On the other hand I’ve noticed that
when I get caught up in complaining or worrying about something, there’s
actually an opportunity being presented. When I go beyond the surface and pay
attention to what is driving the worry or complaint, I usually become aware of
the real need that I have undoubtedly at some point decided could not be
fulfilled.
For example, when I find myself worrying or
complaining in my own head about how I’m going to look after my mother’s needs
when I am particularly busy, there is usually an idea behind the worry that
says something like ‘I am not enough’ or ‘I have to do everything myself’ or
‘nobody cares’ or ‘there’s no way out’, etc, etc. That kind of thinking is
usually accompanied by feelings of sadness or fear. By taking some full,
rounded breaths and shifting my focus from the worry thoughts to the feelings I
am experiencing in my body, I break the repetitive pattern that my thoughts
have been creating. The shift is from thinking about what is happening to being
present to what I am actually experiencing; two very different activities.
Being present to what I am experiencing in the
moment helps me to see beyond the endlessly looping worry thoughts. When I see
what’s really going on I can actually question the thoughts I’ve been trapped
in and more often than not I realize they aren’t the ‘truth’ but rather what I believe about myself or my situation. A
belief is just one way of seeing a thing, it isn’t the truth about it.
Did you know that there are hundreds of millions of
bits of data available to us at any given moment and that the human mind is
only aware of about 2000 of them? In other words there’s a lot going on right
where we are that we aren’t even aware of, including a different way of seeing
what is going on as well as an almost infinite number of ways of resolving any issue.
Wow!
By getting out of the looping thoughts and realizing
I’ve been locked into a particular point of view that isn’t working for me I am
then free to open my eyes and look around at what else might be possible. I
call this the wonder phase. Shifting from worry to wonder is like going from
being trapped in a dark cave to suddenly walking out into a sun drenched day.
It isn’t an activity that is filled with effort and fear; it is entering into
an open and receptive mental state where possibility abounds. There may not be
a ready answer in the moment but there is most certainly a much more peaceful
and hopeful feeling where there had been doom and gloom a moment before.
The state of wonder is where new ideas or renewed
energy and perspective can then be translated into inspired action. I love the
experience of taking inspired action. When I shift from worry to wonder and let
go of trying to figure everything out myself I am often wonderfully surprised
by solutions I would not have thought of otherwise. Sometimes the solution
isn’t necessarily new but the energy around it is. For instance, I might still
do the same shopping and laundry and running back and forth to doctors for my
mother but it will fit with my schedule and there will be a sense of flow and
effortlessness to it instead of resentment and trying to cram everything in.
A shift often happens when I take the time to pay
some attention to the complaining I may be caught up in and notice something in
me needs a little compassionate attention and understanding. Then I can give
myself a moment or two of gentle attention and open to the state of wonder and
possibility from which inspired action is born.
Try it, it really is delicious.
Namaste
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