What Does Self-Soothing Look Like?

I mentioned in my last post that instead of staying in reaction when something upsets us, one thing we can do is bring soothing and reassurance to the inner being that is in pain. I'd like to expand on this process because it is really quite foreign to most people I speak to.

When we find ourselves feeling anxious, fearful, ashamed, sad, guilty, angry, overwhelmed, or pain of any kind there is some element within that is in need of attention. Most of us were taught to actually do the opposite of attending to our inner world; we were taught to buck up, forget about it, distract ourselves and even berate ourselves when we had painful feelings. Many of us ended up believing it was 'weak' to allow any 'negative' feelings other than anger, which is a secondary feeling that gives the illusion of power and control, when we are feeling vulnerable and/or out of control. The problem is that none of these strategies actually deal with the real issue, the one who is in pain.

There is another way.

Self-soothing is a technique whereby we shift our focus inward and focus gentle attention where the pain (emotion) is most concentrated. For example, fear and guilt are usually felt most strongly in the solar plexus or stomach area; sadness is often in the heart region; anger is often in the jaw, neck and shoulders. By focusing gentle attention and taking full, rounded breaths into the place in the body where the feeling resides there is usually a loosening, a kind of space created where there has been tension and discomfort.

When I say focusing attention I mean literally looking at that area in your body with your mind's eye; looking at it with openness, acceptance, gentle curiosity and compassion. In other words bringing a new energy into the pain so that it can be soothed. Words of reassurance can also be spoken into this place because the truth is most of us long to be reassured that we are loved, that everything is going to be OK, that we are not alone. We usually seek this from others but in the end if we can't receive reassure from ourselves we are not likely going to be able to fully let it in from someone else. The truth is the one we really wanted it from may be long gone from our lives or simply unable to give it. So does that mean we can't have it? Not in the least my friend! You have it in you to give yourself what you most need, loving compassionate attention.

Try it the next time you feel upset or afraid or in pain; it is truly delicious and it is a game changer.

Next time lets talk about some things you can do with those thoughts that are generating the pain and discomfort.

Your comments and questions are always welcome!

Namaste