Where Does Ego Fit?

Every now and then I find it freeing to listen to what ego has to say. There is such a tendency to make the personality all wrong and evil in much of the 'spiritual' world yet when I really look at what the ego/personality is I find that it may have a very limited point of view but it isn't evil or bad.

Ego wants what it wants. It has a particular slant on life that is really based on the innate desire to survive. It is often fear based but then that is the way of this planet as far as I can tell.

Ego isn't something I need to fight or deny, it is simply a vehicle through which life is playing out at this point in the Universe. I am grateful to be able to see the bigger picture and know that there is so much more to it all than ego can even begin to perceive yet I find that if I don't take the time to really listen to what ego wants and 'needs' and how it sees things I end up setting myself up for an unconscious battle of wills.

The other evening I was feeling kind of down and didn't really know why. I'd had a great day, I've been enjoying a very busy time with the work I love, all was well yet it didn't feel that way. So when I had time to myself I sat down and got curious about what was really going on. I gave ego full head and let it rant on and tell me all about its wants and woes without censorship or judgment. It had been a while since I'd had this depth of unedited stream of consciousness monologue with myself.

I didn't discover anything new but then there really isn't anything really new going on most of the time. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with what ego was expressing and so I didn't do anything with it; I simply let it be. It's one piece of the vast picture of life and it is an important one. I find that it can coexist very well within the bigger picture when I'm not fighting it. That which is selfish and self-centered about me is part of how I function in the world and need not supersede that which is more altruistic, loving and giving. In the end whatever we do for others or the world has a self-centered element. It either feels good to help or be of service or we do it because we think we should. Either way it all comes back to me and that's ok. I am just as much a part of the whole as anyone or anything else and that includes whatever desires are playing out in and through me.

The bottom line is I can't experience wholeness and leave out the ego; that's just another form of separation. It's all so very subtle and fascinating to me. Life really is a wonder.

Namaste

Of Grief and Gratitude

Today I am preparing for both a celebration of life service and a wedding. Both are very special moments to be honoured and celebrated and both mark important transitions in life.

We go through many transitions in a lifetime. It starts with when we leave the warmth and safety of our mother's womb; then some of us experience pretty major change when younger siblings are born. From there we leave the home and go on to that adventure called school. Then we hit puberty and our lives are turned upside down for a few years while our bodies undergo some pretty drastic changes. Then we leave home (usually) and either live on our own or get into committed relationships and some have children of their own and get to go through all the transitions with them too.

Today most of us go through several job changes and often a number of career changes before retiring. Then there is the transition of retirement and all that entails. And finally there is death. Sometimes death shows up to disrupt all those other transitions as well. As neatly as this all seems to be laid out here life is usually kind of messy and can be quite chaotic. Some transitions are more joyful and some more painful but there are elements of both pain and joy in most transitions. We are sad to be leaving what we know, excited and oft times fearful of entering into the unknown. And the truth is everything before us is truly unknown because our neat little lives can be disrupted at any time.

Making peace with the past as well as with the unknown future can be very helpful as we make our various transitions. We need to grieve what was more often than we realize because it is important to honour the losses of life. It is also important to get in touch with and express our gratitude for the gains in our lives so that we can truly appreciate the wonders that are unfolding. There is actually a full range of feelings between grief and gratitude that mark our passages along life's journey. Why not honour all of them and allow ourselves to go with the flow of this amazing experience we call life?

Namaste