Opportunites for A Little Compassion

Life is always presenting opportunities to practice what I preach. One of the essential elements of self-compassion is that it is about being kind to oneself when being less than ideally loving and kind.

I've just had a couple of days of cleaning out my mother's old house from which she moved 3 years ago and has been occupied by my brother until I finally sold it this month (possession date is today). This has been a very difficult situation for everyone for a long time.I eventually stepped in where I did not really care to tread and sold her house for her which meant my brother moving on. This was not easy. Long story short, he had been less than forthcoming about how much he wasn't getting done to clean out the house so the rest of us converged on the scene Sunday to finish the job. We had moved into that house in 1969 and I don't think my mother and brother ever threw much away.

I knew there was a lot of stuff but I had fantasized that most of it would be gone but of course there was still an incredible amount there and the place was filthy. Sunday we got the rest of the stuff out of the house, piling a whole bunch of it in the back yard to be taken to the dump, putting some in storage and bringing more to my brothers tiny little apartment which is full of stuff he couldn't let go of.

We were exhausted by the end of the day and my sister, sister-in-law and I went back yesterday to do some cleaning. I have to admit my thoughts about my brother and mother were not as charitable as I would like at times in this process. I have something of an aversion to housework at the best of times, and these were not what I consider the best of times.  We did get it done though for which we were all grateful at the end of the day.

In the midst of all that and the aches and pains in my body I have to admit I am truly grateful that I had the focus of the Self-Compassion Project to continually bring me back to being gentle with myself. I found in that process that I was also able to find compassion for my mother and brother as well. What is, is. They lived, and continue to live, in the way that is theirs to live and I am part of it whether I really like it or not. Self-compassion reminds me that I don't have to be thrilled about it, and I don't have to stay angry or resentful either. I can bring understanding and compassion to those oh so human tendencies.

Today I am sore all over and I am at peace. I appreciate the way it has all unfolded and that we're all doing the best we can given where we are and all is well.

I've always maintained that the work I share is really for me and this project showed up exactly when I needed it most. Even though I have been working with the process for a long time it's easy to wander off so I really appreciate these particularly focused times. This is a journey after all. The path leads us where it leads us.

Remember, it isn't about doing it all right; it's about being alright with what we do.

Namaste 

Self-Compassion

I noticed myself getting caught up in shoulds the other day about something I didn't want but had not given myself permission to say no to. The mind wanted to justify and come up with good reasons all the while rejecting them all. There was a bit of a dissonance going on which all the logic in the world would not bring peace to.

I soon realized that what was really needed was a moment or two of compassion and understanding instead of argument and trying to convince myself of something. The mind quickly settled down then and I was at peace with the way it is for me. It wasn't so much about what I had to do about it as it was about allowing what seems like contradiction to coexist.

I could then see clearly how often seeming contradictions show up in life where the personality thinks it has to be one way or another, not both. One example would be around money. I love doing the work I do, the coaching, the teaching, life celebrations and weddings mainly. I also appreciate and want to be paid for the work I do. There's some bit of programming in this personality however that says I shouldn't think about money, I should do things for nothing all the time, I'm shallow if I think about money, etc. Nothing new there, I even had that running when I had an oilfield supply company. How funny is that?

The point is that there seems to be a contradiction going on between the idea that I should do everything for free and that I want to be well paid.  When I move past the shoulds into the desire beneath it to be of service and to be compassionate the contradiction falls away and the ideas of being of service and being paid can go exist. When I'm not judging myself for being human there is no argument. It's all here, it's all perfect and I can joyfully give things away as well as be paid.

The human condition is full of these contradictions where we tend to be fighting inner battles all the time. Mostly the battles are about the way we should be as opposed to what we may want or think or feel at the moment. Being compassionate toward it all and understanding this is simply the human condition playing out goes a long way in ending the war.

By the way, if you haven't heard about it yet, I've developed a 40 day process called The Self-Compassion Project with this very kind of thing in mind. You can get more info and download the instructions and daily quotes on my website. By the way, it's free!

Namaste